News From ModifiedMama

So, it’s been since August that I’ve posted anything and I’m ready to share the exciting reason why with you all!! His name is Journey and he’s my new Service Dog from ECAD, Educated Canines Assisting with Disabilities located in Torrington, Connecticut!

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I attended team-training in September and since I’ve been back home in my state of Tennessee, it’s been an intense, often times stressful and overwhelming transition for me. And for my daughter, who’s had to step down from the unrealistic, unhealthy position as my main helper, though for us this was normal and necessary given our circumstances. I’ve been adjusting to life as a single mom to 2 kids now! Haha! But in all actuality, it has been difficult for me and my daughter. Things are settling down in the routine department and I’m hoping that being a Service Dog handler will add another helpful component to my site.

Due to all the new changes, I’m way behind on my posts! So, here’s what you can look forward to in 2018 – a couple of travel reviews, several hotel and product reviews, opinion pieces on how my daughter’s school has made accessibility a priority and other pieces on feelings, events, experiences, thoughts, etc. from my life as a Modified single Mama and now Service Dog handler!

And remember: You can find Mama on FaceBook! And, you can follow my adventures with Journey  on Facebook, too!

From our family to yours, Happy 2018! Wishing you all the best!

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Why Play Dates Make Me Nervous…

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My daughter is five and has quite the social life! She’s made many friends from various facets of her life and my life combined – school, church, sports and recovery meetings. She’s the type of child who writes an invite list to her birthday party that’s longer than her Christmas wishlist. Needless to say, she is asked to join friends for play dates on a pretty regular basis.

This is where Mommy becomes more of a detective than parent. This is when I bust out with my list of questions for the parent who’s house I’ve never been to. I have to consider everything about the structure of their home and it’s accessibility to me before I can even decide if we’re able to go or not. Are there stairs leading into their home? If so, are there hand rails? Is the house all on one level? Are there carpets? Rugs? Toys or clutter of any kind in the middle of the floors that I’d need to try to navigate around? Is there an animal that might jump on me, causing me to lose balance? Or could that animal be so small and fidgety that I trip over them or can’t process all their movements in order to walk around it? What’s the bathroom like? Is there somewhere I can hold onto while in the restroom?

If you think this list of questions is long, think also of how I feel asking all of them: For starters, I never truly trust the answers that are given. I may trust the person completely in every other way, but able-bodied people do not have to think like I do. I myself never thought this way until I became disabled, so I surely can’t expect others around me to understand my needs immediately. I get nervous that something’s being left out: that small step up into the foyer; those 2 tiny stairs up the sidewalk that the person forgot to mention and oh, there’s no railing there either; the fact that the bathroom is on the second floor. I become concerned my daughter will be so excited the day of her play date yet when we arrive at her friend’s house, there will be some barrier preventing me from entering the home and we’ll have to either move to our house (which is way less exciting because other kids’ toys are always the most fun to play with!) or reschedule for another time and decide where to meet that’s accessible for me. And, there have been those instances where we’ve not made it into the house, even though I asked the litany of questions. I also feel guilty and can’t even pinpoint why – some of it is because I wish that we could just go like other families do; I wish I could be a ‘normal’ mom for my little girl. I have guilt when we must meet at our house, knowing my daughter enjoys playing with toys that aren’t hers. Yes, kids often bring toys from home to share, but it would be nice if my child could get out of our home more.

I feel like I’m interrogating the other parent; as if I’m making sure they have the “right” kind of home. I worry they’ll be insulted by all my questions – here they are, treating me like any other mother (which I deserve to be treated as, by the way) but I’m asking them tons of structural questions and focusing on my differences. I feel like it may seem I’m making a big deal out of a simple play date – “Wanna come over and play?” It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question! Not an opportunity to ask for the blueprints of the person’s house!! But, it’s also what I must do in order to know what my answer will be. There’s a small part of me inside that whispers quietly, “This is okay. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t stress out. God didn’t make a mistake in making you nor making you a mom.”

That wee small part of me also insists that it’s just a play date. The important part isn’t WHERE the playing occurs but the HOW (with enjoyment and happiness) and WHY (because my daughter is a wonderful, funny, compassionate friend) and also that it IS happening. When she’s twenty, I’ll ask her if she remembers having play dates with friends – I bet her answer will be along the lines of “Oh, yes! I had lots!” instead of “Yeah, but they were always at my house.” She’s got the best attitude about everything… even though her mom’s attitude can be saturated with worry, anxiety and guilt! Guess that’s just another thing that proves I’m like any other mama!

Rollin’ Forward

So, welcome to my new website! I’m really excited and hope that you as readers/followers and I will gain much from this site.

The decision to begin a website came about as another transition I’m making into the world of disability. Since becoming sick 8 years ago, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cycled through the grief process. I’ve had to adapt to and accept each new phase of my illness & disability as my body’s steadily declined. I’ve coped through humor, faith and hope and am now entering a different phase – one of desire to educate & advocate, giving another voice to the disabled community to promote awareness and gain accessibility.

As a disabled parent, I find there are limited resources for my population. Public places that I’ve needed or continue to need access to do not meet ADA requirements due to what I consider to be inconsiderate & insufficient regulations. Some places claim ADA accessibility but are not, leading me to believe that businesses are not strenuously monitored or regulated.

My future goals are to advocate for stricter and more suitable ADA laws by lobbying at the Congressional level. I’m also looking into the Miss Wheelchair Tennessee pageant, as that would broaden my platform and help me reach more people.

I look forward to continuing to blog about being a parent with special needs and am excited about using this site to further awareness & education for all of us in the disabled community! Feel free to share your comments with me!! And, thank you for visiting my site!!!

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