Blessing Blooms From ‘Bathroom Blunder’

            I recently wrote about an incident which occurred at my daughter’s school titled, “School’s Inaccessibility Causes Bathroom Blunder.” In the two years my daughter has attended the school, it was the first time I found myself in a physically inaccessible situation. I was quite dismayed, to say the least. After the experience, I planned to contact the Headmaster and ask for a meeting. I intended to let him know how I’d felt and that I expected the necessary accommodations to be made to the bathroom by the end of the school year.

            So, it was to my surprise (and delight) that I received an email from the Headmaster a week later. He acknowledged that I must have felt frustrated and embarrassed, apologized profusely and explained to me that the Director of Facilities had bought equipment and installed it in order to make the bathroom ADA compliant and fully accessible to people who use wheelchairs. He invited me to come look at the bathroom and let him know if it did indeed meet requirements necessary for someone to transfer over to the commode.

            I stopped by the school earlier this week and was pleased that the stall divider between the accessible stall and the one beside it had been taken out and replaced with a thicker, sturdier divider. A horizontal transfer bar ran from behind the toilet to the side. (**Please see photos at bottom of article**) I went to the main office and the Headmaster came out to apologize again to me, this time in person. He commented that any time I see something that isn’t accessible or needs improvement, to please contact him so it can be dealt with immediately. I told him the only change in the bathroom I’d like to see at this point is a vertical bar above the horizontal one. For me, my upper body is regressing and I’m also a heavier person, so I grab onto both bars to transfer – it’s simply safer for me.

            It’s important to me that people know how the school dealt with this situation. I didn’t have to say anything to them. The school took the initiative. They responded quickly and reached out to me, not only apologizing for my experience but inviting me to make sure they’d fixed the problem. This solidified my faith in this school. In a world where so often, the disability community must fight for rights, accommodations, etc., it’s nice and reassuring that there’s people and places that will act quickly and with compassion simply because it’s the right thing to do.  

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

A Motherhood Milestone You May Not Relate To

Image

            Two nights ago, I reached a milestone. I doubt it’s one many other parents reach. I doubt it’s a milestone other people would even consider. But for me, it was major! My daughter is 7-years-old and has had many sleepovers at other people’s houses. I can’t even begin to think of how many parents have hosted her in their homes. Yet, not once has she had a friend stay over at our house. It’s not that invites haven’t been given; nobody’s taken us up on them. Most often, instead of the friend staying here, the parent(s) will offer to have my daughter over.

            But the other night, she had her first friend stay at our house. I was so elated and grateful when my friend asked me if I would mind her young son staying at our house. To be honest, I was also shocked that someone was finally trusting me with their child overnight. Her son and my daughter attend the same school; I’d be picking them both up, have her son here overnight and then take them both to school in the morning. I thanked her for her trust profusely and told her it was the first time someone was letting their child stay at our house. She commented that maybe it was due to people not wanting to ‘burden me’ because they know I have two chronic illnesses on top of my physical disability. Yet she also made the remark that people simply aren’t aware of all that I’m capable of; they make a judgement call based on their assumptions and don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. She said she knew I could do it and wasn’t worried in the least.

            I’d often wondered if the reason we hadn’t hosted another child overnight was due to my illnesses or disability. It had made me feel a little inadequate, less than and different to realize people were quick to let my daughter stay with them but never to let their child stay with us. It’s a feeling and a situation I doubt most parents experience unless they’re like me. People frequently comment that they ‘don’t know how I do it,’ ‘will help me whenever I need it’ and ‘are inspired by me’ for being a disabled single parent. But what they don’t understand is that I’m not an inspiration; I’m just a parent like them; that I don’t know any other way to do and live my life except this one so to me, it’s not harder than anyone else’s life. Yes, I need help from time to time, but everyone does. Every parent (especially single parents!) needs a break now and then. It has nothing to do with my disability. What other parents don’t realize is that I can’t imagine how they do what they do! I get worn out just watching some of my friends run around on their healthier legs or working full-time then coming home to take care of their house and family, most often with multiple children. It’s not about the life we live or how we’re living it; it’s about our perspective, which we only have through the lens of how our own lives work.

            So, back to the other night: I picked the kids up from school and we chattered away excitedly in the van on the way home. They both had homework so that came first. Then I fed them dinner, let them play for a while and got them both ready for bed – teeth brushed and all! I read two books, sang them a song and left the bedroom. The next morning, I laid their uniforms out, made them breakfast, packed them both lunches and drove them to school… on time. Doesn’t that sound like what would happen in a nondisabled person’s home? Doesn’t that seem so bland, so common, so uninspiring?!?

            My parental milestone flew by without flaws nor fanfare but to me, it was dazzling! It made me feel like I belonged to the parents’ club. I felt not only trusted but respected. Because my friend and her husband didn’t hesitate in allowing their son to stay with me; they didn’t question me as to whether it would ‘burden’ me or be ‘too much.’ They treated me like they do anyone else; they simply saw me as another parent. And sadly, if more of my friends and parents of my daughter’s friends would see me this way, treat me this way, I never would’ve had a milestone to begin with. It wouldn’t have taken 7 years for someone to trust me with their child; to know that I’m just as capable as any other parent; to see me as they see themselves.

Kai blog pic

Playtime for the kiddos!

Walkin’ & Rollin’ Thanks to ADA!

ada-logo

Before I became disabled, I knew what the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was and the reason it was implemented. I understood on a cognitive level why it was important. But when it’s significance became personal to me, the journey from the head to the heart was complete. Now, as a parent with a disability, the ADA is vital in the day-to-day lives of me and my child. For the purposes of simplicity, I’m going to focus on the area of the ADA which most effects me as a disabled parent – the compliance of public buildings, parks, venues, etc. to grant me complete participation in the activities which the business provides. Public places are required to make sure that I’m able to share experiences with my able-bodied peers in equal measure or as close to it as possible. I’m not to be denied the ability to either access or use public facilities.

As a parent, these ADA requirements mean the most to me. I’ve dealt with feelings of guilt a lot as a disabled parent. I want the most typical childhood possible for my daughter; I don’t want my physical limitations to limit her engagement or enjoyment in kid-centered activities; I’ve worried about her having consequences for something neither of us has any control over. Unlike my able-bodied friends who are themselves parents, I’ve shown up to a few birthday parties for my child’s friends and not been able to enter. We’ve arrived at parks and have not been able to play on all of the equipment because I could not access the areas. My daughter is currently 5-years-old so you can imagine the disappointment and, in the past, the lack of understanding why we had to leave without doing what we’d gone there to do. Each time this has happened, my heart has broken for her and I’ve felt nearly crushed by guilt and the realization that it’s all my body’s fault. There have been times I’ve managed to push through the pain and mobility difficulties so that she can have fun but those times have been rare.

Handicap_Accessible_SignWith accessibility issues becoming more widely recognized and businesses making necessary structural changes in order to meet the needs of the entire public, my daughter and I are able to do more and more. We’ve taken advantage of modifications at the skating rink so I could roll along with her on the rink; we go to theaters that have wheelchair seating in the front or on the sides as opposed to in the very back where our view is hardly worth the price of admission; we go to a local park that’s well-paved around the playground so I can keep an eye on her while she plays; we go to the library; and recently spent a week at the beach together thanks to the city’s efforts to make the area more accessible!! Also, at birthday parties that are held in bouncy-place type venues, arcades and other exciting kid-friendly places I’m able to enjoy the fun right along with my daughter and the other parents.

I would like to see stricter ADA guidelines and enforcement in the future. However, our society has come a long way and I feel grateful to live during a time when awareness, advocacy and education concerning the disability community are flourishing. My hope is that I can be a part of the ongoing changes and positive impacts made for people with disabilities. I hope an able-bodied person will read this blog and try to empathize with some of the feelings and situations I’ve mentioned so that they might understand the importance of the ADA not only on a cognitive level but on a spiritual and emotional one as well.

Thanks to the ADA I have rights, I’m protected and I’m free to be who I am – not stunted and fettered because of what I have, a disability. Because of the ADA, my daughter and I are able to enjoy family outings, have fun and “walk & roll!”

 

**This blog post first appeared on The Disabled Parenting Project – http://disabledparenting.com/walking-rolling-daughter-thanks-ada/ **