Last week, I was blessed with one of the most touching gifts I’ve ever been given – an accessible van!!
It’s true that this vehicle will help me be able to return to work, but it means so much more to me than that…
As a mom, this van opens up a whole new life-experience for me and my daughter, who is almost five. We’ll now be able to do things that other families do. We’ll be able to get out and go without so much planning.
Because here’s the truth: I wrote a blog post called “I Am Any Mother” and I stand by that, but there are times my emotions, my thoughts probably vary off the path my able-bodied friends’ feelings and thoughts take. I’ll be on FaceBook and see pictures of my friends with their children at the zoo or a theme park, and while I may ‘like’ or even ‘love’ the pic, inside, I’m breaking. I’m feeling that guilt that only I as a mom with a physical limitation can feel. Even though my disability isn’t my fault, I feel responsible for making sure my child suffers no consequences due to my physical circumstances. I long for her to have the most “typical” and joyful childhood possible. Yet, up until last week, we weren’t able to simply get in the car and go to the park, zoo, a theme park or even on a road trip. I had no way of getting my power chair out of my home. So, I’d see these pictures of smiling kids & proud parents and a part of me would grieve all over again for the loss of my mobility. I’d grieve for my daughter and the losses she faced as a child because of my condition. Even though she’s not aware of what she misses, I’M aware and I hurt because of that awareness. It is painful; it’s a dull ache in my heart and an intermittent throb in my head.
So, the gift of this van that will allow me to get out in my power chair is the greatest gift possible for the Mommy-Daughter team that we are because it’s also a gift to her, allowing her the freedom to enjoy ALL that life has to offer!!
If we’re FaceBook friends, I suggest you be on the lookout – I’ll be posting my OWN zoo pics soon!!!