Letter To My Chronic Illness

Dear IH,

I need to break things off with you. While I realize that we’ve been together now for 8 years, I’m feeling like the time has come for us to call things off and go our separate ways. You see, the problem is your insistence on dominating nearly every aspect of my life. I can’t allow that any longer.

You demand attention by bullying my body with either headaches, migraines &/or increased cranial pressure during times that I’ve promised my young daughter that we’ll go to the park, the library or attend a birthday party. You beat me into a state of exhaustion in which the bones in my body literally feel too heavy to lift and I cannot move well nor get enough sleep to overcome the veil of fatigue which you have caused, but there’s laundry to be done & put away, meals to be cooked, dishes to be washed, grocery shopping to do, a child to bathe & otherwise help get ready for the day or night. I just can’t go on like this anymore!!!

It’s maddening to be going about my day, feeling wonderful and soaking up all the joy that life has to offer and then BAM! You come along with stiffness, pain, fatigue or a head full of mess and try to ruin everything – not just for me but for my daughter, too, which is unacceptable!

So, you see? I need us to part ways. I understand there’s no cure & treatment is only partially satisfactory, but you’ll just have to leave me alone for now. The doctors say your initials stand for “Intracranial Hypertension” but I know better:

IH really means Insistent Hovering, Impairing Happiness, Inconvenient Hassle, Interrupting Harmony, Interminable Hindrance.

I am not fooled. And I want to break up. So, we’re through. We’re finished. We’re over. Excuse the bluntness of it all, but you’ve certainly not been timid in your approach with me!! I’m sure if you have a response, you’ll let me know by this evening – I’ll probably lay down to sleep and feel your disruptive tingling throughout my limbs, your devious, painful throbbing in my feet and hands. You may even cause my pressure to rise to the point of hearing my heartbeat as my eyes jump to its rhythm.

But, whatever you do, just know that you don’t get to win. You might not be done with me, but I’ve given you the last of my worries, my fears, my pains, my aches, my sleepless nights and bedridden weeks. I’m moving forward with focus on the ones who treat me right, who make me feel good and who show me how much I’m loved.

Take it easy (on me!),

Lylly

 

 

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